Saturday, 11 August 2012

Update: A Tragedy.

I haven't wrote on here for such a long time & so much has happened since then, this post will have two main  subjects, an explanation & something really sad which will be really hard for me to write. 

- My last post on here was April, and shortly after the post I made I booked a holiday with my sister & it was so last minute I literally had less than a month to save the money & spending money, clothes, and everything else needed for a girls holiday, so obviously my blog was put on the back burner.. and we set off for our holiday to Barcelona on 9th May.

- Secondly.. The sad part which I've been putting off writing for 3 months now, but I need to get back into my blog because although it doesn't have hundreds of readers, I love blogging and I miss it.. I'm not even sure if the people followed to me read me.. If you're reading this, let me know I'd love to hear from you! Okay.. I'm not going to put it off any more.. 13th May; 4 days into our holiday my sister had a phone call, it was my nanna.. She had called to tell us that our mother whom was both of our best friend had passed away in the night. (I'm choking up even writing that.) My mother, the woman who gave birth to me & whom taught me everything, been there for me every single day, whom I love with every fibre I have had gone, she wasn't on this earth anymore. She died from a blood clot to her heart, and passed away painless in her sleep. She had been poorly for years, she had a breathing condition called C.O.P.D and she also had arthritis in her hips & struggled to walk, but I never ever imagined she would pass so young she was 60 years old. 

This is me, as a baby & my beautiful mother. Being miles away in Spain when we found out this news was absolutely heart wrenching, it made me feel 100 x worse than I already did, I felt like I'd left my body and I was just watching myself scream & cry. We tried to get home straight away, as soon as my sister (who's 38 and who was so brave that day) got off the phone we packed and went down to reception to get home.

We had to pay for new flights but that didnt matter, all I wanted to to was to get back to the UK to be with my family, I believe that it was my mothers time to go, and what she would have found out if she had gone into hospital that day would of ruined her life as later on after we fount out the cause of death, we also found out she had lung cancer, which broke my heart even more, I could of never of imagined her to go through the pain of cancer. 

This is my mother & my sister on my sisters wedding day in 2006. 
My mother is my hero, she went through so much pain in her life & she was the strongest woman I knew. I love her with everything I have and everything I do I do for her. Although its been 3 months since she passed, it still doesn't feel real and I doubt it ever will, all I do know is she's watching over me now & I'll make her proud of me in whatever I do.

To anyone who's ever lost a loved one: I'm here for you, any time any day. I'll listen if you need an ear & I'll talk if you need kind words & I'll cry with you if you just need to cry. 

I love you momma; 26th October 1951 - 13th May 2012   


  1. Just reading this made me cry. I'm sorry to hear about your loss, it's horrible when you lose someone, I lost my nan about 2 months ago now, to cancer. I still can't get over it, it feels like she hasn't gone.

    It is difficult and it will take time, but to make me feel sort of better, I always think that they are being looked after by the greatest person ever, Jesus. As long as you can remember the amazing times that you had with your mum, she'll always be with you.

    Take care & God bless,

    Natalie xx

    1. thank you Natalie for your kind words. I'm so sorry to hear about your nanna,& Im sure she's at peace now.

      if you ever need anyone to talk to who knows how you feel, feel free to contact me i'll always reply.

      love. xxxxx